In some ways during the early days, I felt like I was living two lives. There was a life at home where Brooke could be herself and the outside world where she still had to pretend to be a man.
To make things a little more complicated, Brooke and I worked for the same organization. She had worked with many of the people I do now for 10+ years. She was well known and well respected within the company I worked for and the organization as a whole. It wasn’t uncommon for us to be in meetings together. At work he/him and the old name had to be used. When we were in meetings together, I would look around the room and wonder how these people would handle the change. I considered these people my friends. Would they treat us respectfully? Would the transition effect our lively hood? I think at work was the hardest for me. There were other things happening at work at the same time; changes in leadership, not feeling valued. Looking back, it was a hard year. I wear my emotions and thoughts on my sleeve and having to hide such a major life event was very stressful.
At home things were different too. Everything had to be planned around which days or evenings Brooke was presenting as herself. Would we go for a walk, would the kids have friends over, did we need to go shopping or visit someone? Brooke would be herself half of the evenings after work, then 1 full day on the weekend. It was important for Brooke’s mental health to be herself as much as possible, but we had to balance that with what was right for the rest of the family.
During past summers we would have had a few pool parties with friends and coworkers. We have a great yard for this and it is always a lot of fun. I really enjoy these and missed having one the summer of 2023. The HRT was starting to change Brooklyn’s body, she was shaving her legs; we didn’t think a pool party was going to work. I’m looking forward to restarting our gatherings this summer and enjoying the company of our friends.
There were times I felt like I wanted Brooke to come out sooner. She might have, but we wanted to make sure everything was organized and well planned to ensure success both with our professional and personal lives. It was a challenging time when both Brooke and I were working on ourselves individually and also ourselves as a couple. Anything worth doing typically involves a bit of work and I’m glad we put the work in to get to where we are now.