Final Weeks of Preparation and Letting Work Know (Coming Out Pt1)

I was very fortunate to have someone to help me navigate the communication at work. It was nice to have someone to collaborate with. Our Director of Diversity and Inclusion was able to validate my concerns, bring up potential other issues and we were able to work together to come up with a plan that worked.

Throughout July and August, we met often. The date I was targeting was September 8^th, the Friday after the long weekend. This week also seemed to work out well for the key people that I was going to have to tell. Some of the things I had to figure out was who I would tell and when. I would obviously have to tell my direct manager and our Director of HR first. Next would come the General Managers of the companies that are in my division. There were four of them so they would likely be next after my manager. Following that would be the team that works for me directly.  As I work with five companies in our division, I also work directly with many different people.  My plan would be to tell a few of them directly over the following week. Then the company announcement would come on the Friday (the 8^th) afternoon to tell everyone else. Sounds like a good plan… on paper.

Setting up the Meeting

I did a lot of walking during my lunch hours for the couple of weeks prior to talking to my manager. There was a lot of reflecting during those walks. I also remember rehearsing what I was going to say and how I thought it was going to go.  It helped getting away and having a moment to myself to prepare. I booked a placeholder meeting in my manager’s calendar a couple of weeks away from when I planned on telling her. A couple of days ahead of the meeting, my manager had to cancel the time I booked as she had another priority. No panic, just need to push out a day, we can work with that. In her defence, I couldn’t mention what the meeting was about. I think I left it somewhat vague like “Personal Conversation”, so it’s not surprising that she canceled.  

Then very late in the afternoon on the day before the new meeting, she declined the invite.  This is when I panicked.  I quickly wrote a text to let her know that it was an important meeting that I really needed her to attend.  I didn’t get a response though, until the next morning.  She responded back that she could only afford about 30 minutes which I gratefully accepted.  The Director of Diversity and Inclusion was to meet with my Director of HR at the same time I was telling my manager, to inform her. It was crucial to the timing that this all lined up. I don’t think my manager knew how important the meeting was to me until I changed the meeting room from her office to a conference room in a different area of the building.  She accepted that meeting.

Telling My Manager

So, the morning of the day that I was coming out at work was not very productive.  The meeting was at 10am with my manager and I think I practiced what I would say several times and did some busy work, trying to keep calm. I arrived early to the conference room and made sure I had some water on hand. I closed the blinds to the room as I had a pretty good idea I wouldn’t be able to keep my emotions in check.  When my manager came down, you could tell that she had a concerned look on her face. I think my first comment after seeing this was, “don’t worry, I’m not quitting”. I carried on, “I have some personal news that I need to share with you, and this will likely be a bit of a surprise.  I’m in the process of affirming my gender and I need your support.” 

The rest of the meeting went very well. It was very reassuring. My manager discussed how she had some experience as a co-worker had once transitioned. We talked a bit about the communication plan with the rest of the division and my team. We also shared some personal items and we were open with each other. I believe my transition has allowed us to become closer than just the typical manager/employee relationship. She was extremely professional too. She took over the conversation when my emotions picked up and stayed with me for longer than the 30 minutes she originally committed to.  During the conversation with my manager, I invited the Director of Diversity and Inclusion and the Director of HR in the conference room.  We spent the next few minutes discussing the communication plans that we had laid out. I remember starting to realize that maybe this was all going to work. Wow, I was so relieved that was done.

Divisional Training

Not everyone is familiar or knows someone who is affirming their gender. This is especially true in our little part of Atlantic Canada.  While I’m not the first person to transition at our work, I am the first that our Director of Diversity and Inclusion had been involved with since she started with the company a couple of years prior.  I was also the most senior and tenured that had transitioned. One of the valuable pieces of input that she provided was the need to have an information session for the staff in the division.

Since I have worked with or will likely work with most of the staff, she suggested that we hold mandatory training.  I had planned on taking a vacation week after the announcement. This would be a good time for this to take place. The idea would be that everyone would learn about what it means to be a trans person, what are some of the common misconceptions, why proper pronouns are important, and equally as important, what this means for Cathy as she also works in the division. The informational training was well attended and well received from what I’ve been told. It sounds like there was some good engagement and some honestly curious questions. I’m so thankful that this was completed because it made coming back to work so much easier as I didn’t get bombarded by questions on day 1.