Back to Work (Coming out Pt5)

With the time off coming to an end, the final stage of coming out was next – heading back to work. I’ve already alluded to the fact that my work has been excellent about my transition so it should be no surprise that my first day back was as it should be.

I was informed that my team was moving offices during the time off. Cathy and I went into the old office and packed up my stuff. The move in for me would happen on my first day back. Towards the end of the week, the GM for the company we were moving to, sent me a picture. It was my new name, on a name plate posted outside my new office. ❤️

I mentioned that there were a few people from work at the party that Cathy put together for me, but there was only one person (the GM) from the new office that attended.  This was going to be an early test on what people understood from the information sessions my work gave the staff members.

The First Day

I honestly could not remember what I wore for my first day back but thankfully, Cathy took my picture like it was my first day of school. When I walked into the building, with a box of stuff from the last office, I headed up the stairs to the office area not knowing what to expect. What I got was what I would have wanted; a quiet, calm welcome with little fanfare as if Brooke had been there all along. I did get some wonderful compliments on my new appearance.  My manager was particularly impressed with my hair which obviously made me feel great on day 1.

Over the next few weeks I had to adjust to people using my name. It’s a strange office environment in that there was another woman named Brooke there plus a guy that shared my deadname. It was a little confusing at first but in a very acceptable way. Only once can I remember being deadnamed but it was 100% accidental and though it was still a shock when I heard it, I was able to move on.

Uncomfortable Moments

A few times since I’ve been back, I’ve had the experience when someone calls me one of the guys, or I get the “you know what I mean, man” type of comment.  For me, that is something that I don’t have much of a problem with; sometimes I don’t even register it.  But the apologies that I get from those that say it, really goes to show how much they care and how much the information sessions really helped my co-workers understand what might trigger some dysphoria (even if that wasn’t the words they used).

One moment that I haven’t figured out how to deal with well, is that uncomfortable moment when someone doesn’t recognize you and they haven’t heard about your transition.  I was in a Teams meeting during the first week and when I logged in, I got “Hi Brooke, I don’t think we’ve met yet”. While it was a happy moment that my appearance has changed enough not to be recognized, I still felt like had to let them know what was going on.  I didn’t handle it the way I would now. I think I said “Well, yes we met previously when I was still (deadname)”.  That was just awkward for everyone. After the meeting, the guy called me right away and apologized for not knowing any better, but I wouldn’t hear it. I told him that I thought it was wonderful that he didn’t recognize me, and I took it as a compliment.  This or something similar has happened a few times since but now I just say something like “Hi, I’m Brooke, it’s nice to meet you” and just go along with it.

Safe Space

One of the great things about what my work has done, is really make me feel like it’s normal. I go in and do my job just Iike I always did. I’m sure there are thoughts and comments in the background, but no one has said anything that makes me feel disrespected. Work is actually one of my safe spaces and I’m very comfortable to be myself there.