Brooklyn’s First Week (Coming Out Pt4)

The weekend was an emotional one, that’s for sure. It was nearly all positive emotions though even though there was a lot of crying. After coming out at work and socially, I was looking forward to getting to experience what I had been planning.

The first real test was going out and walking the dogs around the neighbourhood.  It may seem insignificant, but this was really the first time presenting as myself in my hometown. I remember looking around and just breathing deeply. Not out of fear – though there definitely was some – but I was just absorbing the moment.

Monday AM

This day was one of the more important days during this week where I really tried to get better at feminizing my appearance. The first step, a session in the beauty section of our local drug store to find makeup that matches my tone and learn how to apply it all. Cathy did a wonderful job getting me gifts over the past year and I used what she got me every chance I had.  She was never able to get me something that matched my tone and she admittedly was never someone who focused on makeup herself, so I needed to get something of my own. 

A couple of weeks prior to this appointment, I stuck my neck out there and approached one of the employees at the store. I was in man-mode, asking about if they would be willing to make an appointment for a trans woman just learning about makeup. Was I ever surprised when her eyes lit up. She was so excited and was telling me all about her experience in the trans community and would love to help. She even offered to come in on her day off to help me out.  So now the day was here. The session took a couple of hours as there was a lot of colour choices and preferences and a lot of teaching techniques. She was so helpful, she even gave me a handwritten sheet with the order of application and a few reminder of techniques. As you can imagine, the first time trying it all myself the next morning took about 90 minutes.

Monday PM

The next major item of the day was getting the hair that really was the instigation to coming out at this time.  As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I wasn’t blessed with a glorious head of hair, especially now that a good portion of it was gone. I had been using a wig up to this point and while it was very affirming and helped me get to this point, I needed more. The solution that I was getting was something that I will be able to sleep, swim or shower in. I would essentially treat it as if it were my own hair. It’s not a cheap solution, don’t get me wrong, but I also know that all of the other options that I had looked at wouldn’t be able to get me the results I was looking for.

The process is a little awkward as they must shave the area at the crown where it will be adhered to my scalp.  That’s an image I have tried to forget but is burned into my memory forever. What a wonderful feeling though when the process is done. To have hair that really feels like your own and blends right in is wonderful. This is especially true when you’ve been living with hair loss for 15 years. With my new makeup and hair, I was all smiles at the end of the day!

Tuesday AM

Not as eventful as Monday, but a very busy day.

It started with a trip to an eyeglasses store to look for something more feminine.  The ones I have been using were technically unisex with a touch of femininity, but why stop there. Also, now that I have my hair, I could make sure they fit my face properly. There were a couple of options, but I was happiest with the ones I still have today.

Next was a stop at the spa that I go to for laser and electrolysis. But this time, I got to enjoy my first ever manicure – and Cathy got one too.  It was a lovely experience and was a way better application than I could have ever done. Before leaving the spa, I also got my ears pierced.  It’s amazing how something so small can make you feel so much better about yourself.

The next part of the day was a little administrative. Cathy and I headed over to the bank to get my name changed on all our accounts, mortgage, and credit cards. We’ve used the same branch and financial advisor for 20 years, so it was good to do this in person.

Tuesday PM

Following the bank, we went to a local boutique to get me a bra that would hopefully fit. I would have thought that this would be the most affirming part of the day, but it was a bit disappointing. While I did purchase a bra that worked, I did not feel like I got the attention that I could have used. By this point in my transition, I hadn’t really developed much and my chest itself is wide.  Part of the problem is that by my measurement, most stores don’t carry my cup size with my band size. I would have hoped for another perspective but really, I just left with a new bra but no new information that might help me down the road.

We certainly filled the days this first week. After the bra shop, I went and got a new passport photo taken and then went to our government office that takes care of driver’s licenses. I got that done, my vehicle registrations and applied for an updated health card for our provincial insurance.

That night, I was taken out for drinks by an ex-coworker who happened to be in town for work. I accepted because he was someone that originally, I didn’t know what type of response I was going to get.  But he was one of the first people to reach out after the announcement came out at work. He was kind, supportive, and proud of me. I felt safe going out for drinks. It was a great evening.  He was such a gentleman, he even picked up my drinks. You’ve got to take the good moments when they happen.

Wednesday

This was a day that I was also looking forward to. Our shopping trip. I had done some shopping back in May but that was mostly summer stuff for our family vacation. Now it was time to get some outfits for work.

Shopping in our little town doesn’t have enough options so we hit the road and went to a store that we knew we would be able to find some outfits. Cathy had in her mind the things that she was looking for but I really had no idea and really leaned on the employees of the store to help pick a few things that looked good. I tended to go with Cathy’s final say or vetoes if there were things that just wouldn’t work. Overall it was a great experience, so much so that we went back in November and the same employees recognized us and helped us out again. (funny side story, we just went back last week, and the ladies there remembered our names – I think we spend too much money there!)

Rest of the Week

Things calmed down after Wednesday. Afterall, it was a busy start to the week.  I did check in with work around this time to see how things were progressing with the training and the information sharing. It turns out that there was some difficulty getting all of the staff together during the week so I was required to take some additional time off of work the following week as well to make sure that everyone had the opportunity to hear the message. Obviously, I was not opposed to the idea as this gave me another week to get my act together and my head around how this was all going to happen when I returned to work.

During the time off, some good friends of ours asked if we would like to go golfing with them. Cathy and I love to golf and had a membership that year at a municipal course. It had been a while since we had been there but I did make them aware of my name and gender change. Driving off the first tee was very memorable for me. Here I was, dressed in my new golf outfit, hitting off the middle tees as I still had enough strength that it made sense. I got a few looks from some of the folks waiting their turn. Especially when I totally mishit my first drive. I took another shot at it and got the same result. It’s amazing how feeling a breeze where you’ve never felt one before can really affect your swing! The rest of the day was much better after I figured a few things out.

To finish off the week, Cathy arranged a “Coming Out” party with a bunch of our friends who could make it. Many of them are from work so it was good to see people that I’d be working with ahead of my return. I received so many wonderful compliments and congratulations. It was an amazing way to end the week. I’m so thankful that I have the support that I do. Not only at home, but through friends and at work. I only wish that everyone could have as much support as I do but you also have to realize that I too didn’t expect to get this much love from people. If you are worried about coming out, there may be more support out there than you realize.