Brooke does a great job describing the weeks leading up to her sharing her authentic self with work. There isn’t a lot I can add there aside from how distracting and exhausting those couple weeks were. I was either waiting for her to call to tell me how a particular conversation went or planning how I would tell people. I really don’t know how we got any work done. The announcement our company sent out was well written. It let everyone know in no uncertain terms what the expectation of all employees was. It gave us confidence that they were not just paying lip service to the laws but willing to ensure we had a safe and respectful work place.
The Saturday morning after the announcement at work going out we both decided to send out a message on Facebook. This might seem like a weird decision but for me it was important. I wanted us to own our truth, let everyone know at once so their didn’t have to be whispers of “did you hear” or awkward moments of bumping into someone and not knowing if they did or didn’t know. After Brooke posted her heart felt message, I add a small message to hers and posted to my socials “Love is love and life is too short for me to not want the person I love the most, not to be happy. I hope you can all love and support us but if you can’t its fine to quietly exit stage left.“
The days that followed were full of well wishes, messages of encourage and offers of support. To say we were overwhelmed with emotion at the love we received would be an understatement. Brooke and I shared many tears reading lovely messages from people we never would have expected to reach out.
The days that followed were exciting and I hope very affirming for Brooke. She goes into a lot of the specifics. As the spouse it was amazing to join her in these experiences. She the glow in her eyes as she got her make up done or when people referred to us as “ladies”. I find shopping a little stressful and even more so when trying to help someone else, but the workers at the Ricki’s/Cleo’s we went to were so helpful. They even blocked off two changing rooms for the two of us. Shoe shopping was challenging and after a couple difficult attempts we decide online would be the way to go for footwear. On the Tuesday we got our nails done together which was a fun experience. Even things like getting a passport photo or drivers licences update seemed exciting.
I went back to work a week earlier than Brooke. Like I’ve mentioned before, I hate the idea of an elephant in the room. If there was someone who reached out to us after the announcement I would make a point of thanking them. It allowed them to feel comfortable to ask me how I was doing and talk about it without it being awkward. Often others would over hear and join the conversation. For me this was a better approach than just acting like nothing happened.
The weekend before Brooke went back to work we had a coming out party. I wish I would have taken more photos that evening. I didn’t know who would show up and I can say it was way more than I was expecting. Family, friends, coworkers all made an effort to stop by and say hello. This party had the additional benefit of me getting to entertain at our house. We hadn’t had a really good party since Brooke told me about her gender dysphoria and I was missing the social interaction.
3 responses to “Coming out – The Spouse’s Perspective”
Reading yours and brooks story has brought tears to my eyes on more than one occasion. It fills me with alot of hope for my transition.. My wife and I took the 1st step last night and told our kids. It went pretty well for the most part. They are definitely supportive, but understandably need some time to process it. Thank you again. I may not have found the courage to do anything if I hadn’t come across you on tiktok.
Just one quick question if you don’t mind. How hard did Brooke find it to dress as her authentic self in front of your kids for the first time?
I as a follower of this amazing couple abd coming out late in life, felt very awkward dressing in front of kids as myself. But had to just do it and it got easier. To my benefit I was out at work for 2yrs before telling my wife. So plebty experience dressing and makeup.
I’m so happy that we could help with your transition and congratulations on telling your kids. I remember that being a very tense moment.
To answer your question, I was not that nervous to be honest. I was ready to share with them the me that I’ve always wanted to be. That being said, I did wait a while, like 2-3 months, after letting them know about my transition. This was not out of fear but I didn’t want to just shock them. During that time, I gradually starting wearing more feminine clothes at home, but nothing too crazy. One night when both kids were out, Cathy and I had a nice dinner at home and I got to be me, fully dressed as myself. My eldest needed to come home to get something though. When he arrived we warned him that I was dressed as Brooklyn. He wanted to see me as myself and that was that. I still didn’t dress fully feminine in front of them regularly for a while, just a little bit more here and there. We let the kids know ahead of time, once it was time to dress as my authentic self more often. That was about 6 months after originally telling them.