For me, the important thing was controlling the message until we were ready for everyone to know. This was possibly even more important to me than it was for Brooke. I was fine with people knowing if we told them, but I hated the thought of side conversations and whispers. I didn’t like the idea of not knowing who did or didn’t know. I wanted us to own our truth so it wasn’t a secret people talked about behind our backs. Maybe I shouldn’t have care so much about what people thought but this was the way it was.
We both work for the same company, so we knew if things went badly, it could affect our lively hood. We both had performance reviews coming up, we wanted to have those first before telling people at work. Controlling the message at work was going to be tough. Some people had to find out before others to ensure it went well. It was hard to know who we could trust and who we should tell first.
Luckily our company has a Director of Diversity & Inclusivity, so Brooke started by reaching out to her to help develop a plan. We soon realized how important it was that everything went well, not just for us and our family, but for others going through the same thing. There was only one other instance that we knew of where someone at our company had transitioned while working there. If we and the company handled this well, others might find the confidence to be their authentic self.
The timing also had a lot to do with when Brooke felt she would be comfortable appearing in public full time. Her hair was a big part if this. Unfortunately, she had experienced a fair bit of hair loss and the HRT was helping a little but not enough. She was able to find a hair system that would allow her to utilize her own hair. She wouldn’t have to remove it at night like a traditional wig and she could swim, and exercise with it, without any concerns. This option also provided more flexibility with timing.
I was starting to struggle with living two lives by this point so I was worried I was pushing Brooke to move faster than she might have otherwise. I was at a point where I couldn’t keep wondering who would or wouldn’t except us. I had to know what our life was going to look like going forward.
We originally decided on the last week of August but then realized we were going to be moving our son to university that weekend which would already be very emotional for us (me in particular). So, we decided on the weekend after the September long weekend. I was relieved to have a date set.
5 responses to “Starting to Plan – my perspective”
Dealing with work is one of my biggest concerns. I work in a warehouse with alot of people who I know will be less than understanding.
I have a couple of posts I’m working on about how I dealt with coming out. It’s a different situation I’m sure, but I’m sure there will be some things in there that will help out a little. One thing that I hope will be similar for you, is that most people are supportive and you’ll be surprised at who will have your back.
Yes, I am definitely hoping people will surprise me with their support. I know there is at least one person who shod be supportive. I look forward to reading the posts you are working on about coming out. Following what you and your wife are posting has really helped me find a little more courage to come out and live life the way I was meant to. Thank you, I can’t express how much it has helped. May I ask if you find your HRT therapy is working for you the way you had hoped? I have read other posts that say you may not get great results when taking them at a later age.
HRT is working in a lot of positive ways but unfortunately not enough or not fast enough for what I had hoped. I love the fat distribution giving me hips and more feminine appearance in general. I embrace the emotional changes as I can now feel free to cry or be emotional when it’s appropriate. It has taken a while though as I’ve been on them for 18 months and really only in the last few months can I say that I no longer see my old self when I look in the mirror.
By the way, I’m really happy that these posts have helped. It makes me feel good that I can help others in a similar situation 🙂